Tonight I had the rare opportunity to walk and have great conversation with my sister-in-law on the beach. It was a great walk, other than the dangerous, and not very bright, dudes riding light deficient bicycles. It was nice to have good conversation and some exercise to boot. Interestingly enough, it got me thinking about my growing commitment to wellness. I don’t mean wellness in the fitness sense. I mean all around wellness, of soul, mind, and body. I say soul, mind, and body because that is how I feel it should be prioritized.
By soul, I mean deep within the core of who I am as a person. I’m no holy roller, mind you, nor am I above anyone else in the spiritual arena. I do, however, have a strong faith in God. If I didn’t, I would have not survived the last several years mentally intact. I have discovered that over time, I’ve become more accepting and respectful of others, with a few (well deserved) exceptions. I’ve let go of a lot of hate and have tried to mend fences with many people, surprisingly finding renewed friendships. This has led to the next facet of my wellness.
Mental wellness is oh so important. I am one of many who have bipolar disorder. Nope, I’m not crazy, per se, but I have difficulty in controlling my emotions without medical, and God-driven intervention. Some bridges in my life have gone down in flames because of out of control emotions leading to poor choices. My rational mind and emotional mind are in a battle with no winner. The best description is that whatever emotion other people feel, I feel it much more intensely. It’s a blessing in that I think it gives me a greater capacity to love others. It’s also a curse in that ALL my emotions are intense, so if I am angry, I am raging, blowing my top angry. This is one of the reasons that it is important that I stay in a good frame of mind with my moods under control. The second reason is that I have two little boys who need a present and calm mommy. I am no good to them when unhinged. This is why I must take meds as prescribed and stay well mentally.
Finally, there is physical wellness. To be honest, I don’t like working out in a gym, have never liked working out, and probably never will. I also don’t run. If you ever see me running, you better run, too, because I’m being chased by a runaway bear or clown with a bloody knife. I will, however, walk and ride my bicycle, and climb the stairs at work. My lungs hate my guts for doing it, but I know it is a good thing. I actually like the feeling of my calf and thigh muscles being stretched. Maybe it’s because I feel old and stiff when I wake up and know I need to get moving to get rid of the stiffness. I’ve gained quite a bit over the past 5 and a half years and it needs to go. Fifty pounds have left my body, through very hard work, but I have at least fifty to go. My desire to lose weight isn’t primarily for vanity, but it does play a part. It’s because I have two precious boys who need their mommy. It’s also because there is a tiny orange pill and tiny white pill I must take daily, but am tired of looking at each day. I have a 24 year history of kidney stones and am content to continue my one year history of being free of the little demons. I just feel better when I am not indulging in gluttony, feeding my desire for junk food, and drinking insane amounts of caffeine. I also realize that God gave me this body and it is inconsiderate of me to destroy it.
All of these factors, soul, mind, and body, influence each other and work together to make a better Catherine. I hope I can continue my journey to be a better Catherine.