It’s Christmas. It’s been Christmas in every big box store on the planet since November 1st. Why is it necessary for retailers to throw the holidays in our faces for nearly two months? 

I’m one of many.people who gets depressed around the holidays, December through February to be exact. Hibernation would be great because I could crawl in a cave in October and not come out until March. It would save so much money in psychiatry and therapy bills and medication costs.

There are several reasons why this time of year is tough for me. I’ve basically hated this month and the next two since age 11. That is when we moved away from home for a year so my dad could finish his training as an oncologist. It’s not my dad’s fault at all, but it was an unhappy holiday for me, being miles away from home and friends.

I’ve also had some very traumatic experiences during this time of year. The toughest was the year my then-husband was diagnosed with leukemia. I was eight months pregnant. He nearly died. We could not afford Christmas that year. Baby #2 came in January, three weeks early. My psychiatrist says that I have PTSD from the experience. 

Now I am dealing with cancer again, this time with someone with whom I am very close. The cancer is expected to go into remission and has been responding well to chemotherapy, but cancer just sucks no matter what. 

The bright spot in the holidays is that it is the first that we will be spending with my wonderful husband and our blended family of four children. I married my best friend on October 22nd. We adore each other’s kids, too. He is incredibly supportive, going with me to psychiatry appointments as my bipolar disorder medications are adjusted. I am blessed. 

I was hoping that this was the year that I got through the holidays without a meltdown. No such luck. Maybe next year will be better. I’ll get back up and try this again..